Obi Wan: h0nestly,i love u n i do care for u but im n0t sure if i love u the same way i loved u before. lets talk abt ths next tym kung gatubangay na ta.lets jst rest anay-fr0m jawless bastard. does this mean he’s dumping me?
Me: Hmmm. . . Not yet. The dumping wil happen wen u guys r facing each other, methinks. u okay?
Obi Wan: Im good.i deserve better.the nerve of that jawless bastard.
Me: Wel, he looks lyk a lesbian. has a disproportionately thick lower lip, and a penis thats inversely proportional to his arogance. Hun, u deserv better. Waaaaaay.
Obi Wan: I have a thick lower lip t0o.will i ever find an0ther wh0 wil w0rship my awes0meness?
Me: Well, yeah. But ur bewbies, er, str8 nose draws the focus away from ur lower lip so ther. Hmmm. . . and yes. . . U wil. That is, asuming u get off ur fat ass and date around instead of being subtly suckerd into getting bangs by your koreanovelas. Hehehe.
Obi Wan: I kinda feel the same way.or i d0nt ad0re him anym0re since he d0esnt ad0re me.why would i stick with s0me0ne wh0 d0esnt w0rship me.i need w0rshipping.why d0esnt he l0ve me?why?i am s0o l0veable!huhuhu.
Howabout if i dump him first n0w?
Me: Do u want to? Or r u merely reacting that way bcoz u dont want to be the dumpee? T doesnt matter. As long as u kno wat ur getting into, or n this case, out of.
Obi Wan: Gani.i dont want that.based sa text niya,can it stil be salvaged?but its not the same anym0re.im just scared of the aftermath.or should i embrace it.
Me: If that’s the case, enjoy ur own company and the company of ur frends. Frankly, u r too young 2 worry abt belated singlehood. Bsyds, ur very luvable. 
Then dump the bastard. And whip his fragile ego. Or u w8 and talk in person and u guys part as frends and blah blah blah. Evry1 s awkward and plastic.
Obi Wan: Should i flip a coin.oh well.i’ll sleep it off. So says sister scarlett,tom0row is an0ther day.:)thank you l0ve.y0u are wise as y0u are beautiful.
Me: I dont know, dear. <hug>
Obi Wan: Ah screw your half-assed explanati0n.i’m dumping u.there.i’m sparing you the awkward talk.draft text.ok man?
Me: Haha. Very funny. And angry. F ur aim is too alienate him 4 a long tym then thats the perfect txt. Hahaha. And yes, i am beautiful. And i wil b thin agen.
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hahaha, this is so hilarious.
yesh.
and the two lovebirds still arent talking. haha.
i’m being chismosa. whoops.